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I really meant to avoid this topic. I know I've got readers out there who'd rather suffer some mysterious rash for months on end than discuss politics. But lately, the whole damn presidential race has just gotten under my skin to the point where I just can't keep my mouth shut any longer.

The presidential candidates have finally started "debating". That's in quotes because, well, they're not really debating. Here's a quick issue summary of the latest debate, just in case you missed it.

-- They both agreed on Israel.
-- They both agreed to blame Arafat.
-- They both agreed on the war against Yugoslavia.
-- They both agreed on more money for anti-ballistic missiles.
-- They both agreed it was right not to intervene in Rwanda.
-- They both agreed it was right to invade Grenada.
-- They both agreed it was right to invade Panama.
-- They both agreed the Gulf War was right.
-- They both agreed to train Nigerian troops.
-- They both agreed on supporting Australia in East Timor.
-- They both agreed to train Colombian troops in the Drug War.
-- They both agreed they would be "judicious" when deploying U.S. troops.
-- They both agreed not to "overextend" the U.S. military.
-- They both agreed it was right to bail out Mexico.
-- They both agreed on not making loans to "corrupt governments."
-- They both agreed to sign a federal racial profiling law.
-- They both agreed that gays must not be allowed to marry.
-- They both agreed that hunters and homeowners have the right to own guns.
-- They both agreed that we need "gun-free schools."
-- They both agreed on making trigger locks available.
-- They both agreed to support background checks at gun shows.
-- They both agreed to follow "the golden rule."
-- They both agreed on making the environment cleaner for our grandchildren.
-- They both agreed on mandatory testing in schools.
-- They both agreed on "local control" of schools.

I don't know about you, but I'm stunned, STUNNED! that both candidates approve of gun-free schools. And not making loans to corrupt governments (snarky aside: are there non-corrupt governments?)! Wow! Making trigger locks available! Daring stuff! Making the environment cleaner for our grandchildren (what about cleaner for me?).

I couldn't bring myself to vote for Bush if Barbara Bush held a gun to my head. He's a smirky little twat who needs a good kick in the teeth, or at the very least have to do something in his life that his family didn't hand him on a silver platter. And the only worse pick for the Republican Vice Presidential candidate than Dick Cheney would be Lon Cheney. And he's dead.

I could almost, almost stomach Gore if he'd picked a harmless vice presidential candidate. But he picked Joe Lieberman, who's surfing the wave of regulating "the entertainment industry," since they're the ones who are responsible for the decline of society nowadays.

So, the big two are out of the running for my vote. That leaves the third parties, of which about eighty million have sprung up since H. Ross Perot showed that all a third party candidate had to do to get votes was to speak reasonably intelligible English and not masturbate in public.

I couldn't even consider voting for Pat Buchanan. The fact that he still gets electoral support makes me lower my estimate of the voting populace's IQ by a good 20 points. The Libertarians always seem to be desperately trying to be hip, with their proposals to eliminate the income tax, along with gun control laws, health laws, drug laws, and any other sort of law that would keep them from driving their new Porsche down the road at 120, marijuana joint in one hand, .45 pistol in the other, and the finest hooker Visa can buy fellating him all the while. Yes, I think Libertarians promote a policy of selfishness, why do you ask?

Which brings me to Ralph Nader. I'll be honest. I know he isn't a saint. But his website has a large section with actual essays on his stances on issues. Not soundbites. Essays. With, you know, thought behind them. It's really maddening, the more I pay attention to it, how Gore/Bush (I can't decide whether to abbreviate them as Gosh or Bore) are not just ignoring Nader, but all of the other third parties. Do a search on Bush at Gore's site, and you'll get over 500 hits. Do a search on Gore at Bush's site, and you'll get about 250 hits. Do a search on Nader at either site and you'll get a big fat goose egg. That's another way of saying zero, for those of you not up on baseball slang.

I'm tired of voting for someone I hate, but see as a "lesser evil." Voting isn't supposed to be about choosing someone you hate, but think has a better chance about getting elected. It's supposed to be about voting for someone you'd like to see win the damn election!

Look, I don't know what your stance is on the election. The only person I've talked to about the election at all was Braz, and only long enough for both of us to agree that we didn't like either the Democratic or Republican tickets. I'd be surprised if you had a different stance (the only times I've heard people come out staunchly in favor of either ticket, they've been "lifetime" believers in one party or the other, with the view that "the other side" are devil-worshipers in disguise, who are ready to drag the country and all it stands for off to Hell, in exchange for a nickel lollipop).

If you really don't like either ticket, do me a quick favor. Take a look at Ralph Nader. Don't write him off because the big news media aren't covering his speeches, or because "he's got no chance of winning." If you read his stuff, and decide you'd still rather vote for another ticket, hey, at least you're informed. But you do read his stuff, and you agree with what he's got to say... why not vote for him? The Green Party, with its liberal stances, could really help out balance the shift to the right that the country hs been taking since 1980, when Reagan got elected (quick news flash: that was 20 years ago, it's not just a blip anymore, it's a bona fide shift). Personally, I'm unnerved by all the beliefs that there should be limitations on freedom of speech, that some religions are better than others, and that the death penalty is something for America to be proud of.

Scare a politician, vote Nader. ;-)