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Well. Here we are. Monday. I've noticed I seem to write a lot more on Mondays than any other day. Residual guilt for not writing over the weekend maybe. Nah....

Well, Liz and I are starting to have a Big Relationship Discussion^TM. About rugrats. Drape apes. Ankle-biters. Screaming parasites. Also known as babies. And, boy, am I not really sure which way to go.

Y'see, on one hand, I just don't see a reason to have kids. None. The planet is going to be depopulated if we don't decided to reproduce, the duchy isn't going to a black-hearted uncle or something if we don't produce an heir, and I certainly don't believe that any all-powerful invisible man in the sky is going to be disappointed if I'm not fruitful and multiplying.

Also, I'm rather happy with the standard of living that Liz and I have right now. We make a pleasant amount of money that is letting us get a house, and thanks to a thoughtful savings pattern, not really suffer too badly because of it. If we want to go out to dinner, we stand up, walk out to the car, and GO TO DINNER. No babysitters, or no crying kid aggravating everyone else in the restaurant we're going to.

I also have no idea how good of a father I'd be. I mean, logically, I know that when my dad was my age, I was just about born. Ta da! But while I am like my dad, I am not my dad. For crying out loud, Liz and I have trouble disciplining the cat. How are we going to get a six-month old kid to stop trying to eat the carpet?

In part, I think Liz is rethinking having kids because we know so many people who are pregnant. Okay, we know two couples. But that's two more than we've ever known before. Anyway, what with these impending births, Liz has gotten a little gooey at the thought of cute little Bambi-eyed newborns who coo and make adorable little gurgly noises when they try to talk. So we're talking about having kids.

Liz admits she doesn't have a reason per se why she's rethinking having kids. She just says she's not as sure as she used to be that we're going to be childless. I sort of saw this coming before Liz brought it up, and sent her the URL to an article about women who just don't want to be mothers, hoping it would reassure her that not wanting to have little drooly babies would be okay. It didn't take. I feel a little like Jonas Salk, looking for the perfect inoculant, and nothing's working so far.

The thing is, the more I think about it, the more I realize that, overall, there really isn't a good, logical, rational reason to have kids. People can make up a reason, if they feel uncomfortable with that, but overall, I don't think kids will keep you company in your old age, provide you with a sort of immortality, or save the earth.

If you're going to have kids, you have to willing to accept that, yes, there is no rational reason to have children, and you're having a child just because you want to. Whether you want to because you've been effectively conditioned by society to think it's what you should be doing is another matter entirely, but you have to be comfortable with the idea that you're doing this because you want to have a baby, and there is no rational reason for doing so.

So, since I've effectively canceled out my argument for not having a child, I have to really decide that I don't want one. And I don't think I do. But Liz is waffling. Quite a bit. And while she's more or less comfortable with my position now, I really don't know how she's going to feel in a few months. Or a few years.

It feels a little unusual, because normally I'm fairly willing to let Liz have her way in things, as long as it's nothing too serious. Chicken or fish for dinner? Don't care. Visit her folks or stay at home? Either's fine. But this is bigger. A lot bigger. And I don't think we've ever had a disagreement on something of this level before. And I'm not sure how it's going to pan out. I mean, there really is no good compromise between having kids and not having kids. You can't exactly try it out, or just do it part time. And we're both moderately stubborn people when it comes to important things like this. I just hope everything comes out all right. 'Cause I just don't want kids.